Here, from within the depths of a vast oceanic nothingness all is still. There is no-thing. No center. No breath. Only the deafening silence encompassing. No-one to perceive. No-one to be. Only the perfect stillness. Only ocean. Only blinding darkness. Only infinite expanse. Only void. Complete emptiness.
A restless whisper rumbles from who knows what depths creating a ripple in the fabric of this infinite womb. A vibration, the first sound, stretching along the surface of the vastness. The force is unstoppable as this tenuous whisper expands across the cosmic ocean. A wave of probability rises. The ocean swells and rushes in the direction of its momentum. The wave, a movement of the vastness seeking an experience, a universe, a vessel, a world. It can no longer rest. Its swelling is an impulse erupting from the depths of her Great Mystery. The Great Mother stirs. A universe is being birthed.
That rush, that relentless vibration, that wave of eternity sought a universe. It poured itself becoming a spark, an electric explosion. And the light of consciousness arose from the depths of the ocean.
And there I was suddenly. In a tiny body. Feeling the onslaught of sensation.
I voyaged to this moment in the timeline of my lifetime recently. I momentarily experienced the pain and the shock of awareness of being in a body. I was aware of and feeling what that small body felt. The intensity of taking that first breath that came with an outcry. The pure awareness of time and space as a visceral sensation.The weight of reality. Of being. Not able to distinguish any forms or sounds. I was now surrounded by the cacophony of vibrations. That’s all there was in that moment. Here, again.
That was the moment, the first moment, when I felt the presence of a force that was overpowering. That impulse, that wave rising in the ocean of vastness is the very presence of God in motion. No force can dissolve that other than the very ocean from whence it came.
Throughout my life I’ve had tiny glimpses of this wave and tiny glimpses of that ocean. They have been overwhelming and utterly beautiful. Reality dissolving. Mind annihilating. Heart opening. Dissolving. Momentarily unifying my being with truth.
As I was there, in that moment of birth, I brought my awareness into that body. I put myself in there. I saw through her eyes. I awakened that moment from where I am now with my presence and my attention. And all the pain of existence that had become stuck in that moment was released. That moment became a sweet surrender. I remembered the wave that brought me into this lifetime. I remembered the impulse. I saw the birthing chamber and I knew I had chosen this. I knew that my being, my true essence, was that wave and that ocean, inseparable. In that moment of birth I remembered myself.
I brought my awareness out of the newborn body. There was joy and beauty bathing the chamber. After thirteen hours of labor my mother received me and held me in her arms with a love so pure emanating from her being and it filled my awareness. Her pain, her sacrifice, was nothing in comparison to the experience of seeing her baby for the first time and holding her.
Why did I come here? What was that impulse? What is the Will of that wave that is always moving, always going? Why here? Why now?
The chamber whispered to me…
“A new hope. A new possibility. It’s a beautiful thing.”